Script

SIDE 1

MARY LAZARUS

(to DELORIS)

I'm Sister Mary Lazarus. This is Sister Mary Martin-of-Tours. She's in her own little world.

MARY MARTIN-OF-TOURS

(out of it)

Did the smoke change color? Do we have a new pope?

MARY LAZARUS

(to MARY MARTIN-OF-TOURS)

Focus. We're at Christmas dinner with the new nun.

MARY PATRICK

Sister Mary Clarence, my name is Mary Patrick - I just want to say welcome to Queen of Angels. And I was wondering if you would lead us in prayer?

MOTHER SUPERIOR

I shall pray with Mary Clarence. She has taken a vow of modesty and eschews all attention. Let us pray.

END

SIDE 2

MARY LAZARUS

I see what's going on here. Mother Superior sent in a ringer. She's been trying to get back at me ever since that folk mass fiasco back in '67.

MARY PATRICK

Mary Lazarus, you're terrific, but we could really use some help.

NUNS

(ad-libbed)

We really do. Yes, please let her help. It's true. (etc.)

DELORIS

(to MARY LAZARUS)

Look I don't want to take your job, but you know I could help you out. You're not afraid of hard work, are you?

MARY LAZARUS

I'm a nun. My life's been like the stations of the cross. But without the laughs.

DELORIS

Aw look, you made a little joke.

(Off DELORIS's look, the NUNS unenthusiastically chuckle.)

MARY LAZARUS

(handing DELORIS the baton)

Well, good luck.

END