Script

SIDE 1

FARQUAAD

Oh, it s you! What a terrific surprise! And lucky you, you re here at torture time! Bring in the cookie!

(Farquaad  s GUARDS bring GINGY onstage.)

GINGY

No! No! I won t speak! I won t! Oh, it s you...

FARQUAAD

 Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can t catch me  I m the Gingerbread Man!

GINGY

You re a monster!

FARQUAAD

I m not the monster here, you are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash poisoning my perfect kingdom.

GINGY

It s not a kingdom! Because you re not a king!

FARQUAAD

Oh, but I will be. Just as soon as I find a princess to marry. And I hear you know of one. Tell me where she is!

GINGY

Bite me!

FARQUAAD

That s it! My patience has reached its end. Present the devices of torture!

Farquaad  s GUARDS pull out torture devices  a rolling pin, a giant spatula, an egg-beater, a carton of milk, etc...)

GINGY

Uh-uh, uhh, now wait a minute. Let s not go crazy. Maybe I have heard tell of a princess.

FARQUAAD

From who?

GINGY

Do you know the Muffin Man?

FARQUAAD

The Muffin Man?

GINGY

The Muffin Man.

FARQUAAD

Yes. I know the Muffin Man. Who lives on Drury Lane?

GINGY

Well, I heard it from the Muffin Man.

FARQUAAD

The Muffin Man?!

GINGY

The Muffin Man!

FARQUAAD

(thoughtful, to himself)

He heard it from the Muffin Man...

GINGY

Can I go now?

FARQUAAD

You haven t told me where she is!

GINGY

I can t!

FARQUAAD

You must!

GINGY

I won t!

FARQUAAD

Tell me or I ll- !

(FARQUAAD reaches for GINGY  s buttons.)

GINGY

No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!