Act 1

The show opens with five college students driving in a car ("Cabin in the Woods"). We meet Ash (a mild-mannered housewares employee), Linda (his perfect girlfriend), Cheryl (his dorky sister), Scott (his crude best friend), and Shelly (who Scott picked up in a bar three days ago). It's spring break vacation, and they're on their way to an old, secluded cabin in the woods (that they plan to break in to, because the owners won't be there).

Once at the cabin, the gang is ready to drink and have some fun… when suddenly, the cellar door flings open on its own. In the cellar, they find various weapons and a mysterious book called the Necronomicon - the Book of the Dead. They also find an audio tape of Professor Knowby (the cabin's owner) reading ancient passages from this book. Cheryl expresses concerns about playing this tape… but she's the only one.

When Ash and Linda have a moment to themselves, they sing about how they fell in love while working retail ("Housewares Employee").

Later on, when Cheryl is alone, she hears a mysterious voice saying: "Join us!" And of course, whenever you hear a strange, frightening, and potentially life-threatening ghostly chant coming from the dark woods, there's only one thing you should do... not wake the others and go investigate it alone! So Cheryl heads outside… where the trees attack her (and yes, in this show, we have people dressed like trees).

Cheryl returns to the cabin with her clothes ripped to shreds. She tells everyone that the trees did this to her - and nobody believes her. In an attempt to calm Cheryl down, Ash agrees to take her to a motel. But they soon realize that they can't go anywhere -- because the footbridge to the cabin has been destroyed ("It Won't Let Us Leave").

Over at airport, we meet two new characters: Annie (Professor Knowby's archaeologist daughter) and Ed (her boyfriend, who is constantly interrupted and barely gets a word in for the entire show). Annie tells Ed that she found the missing pages from the Book of the Dead -- and now they must go to the cabin to translate them.

Back at the cabin, everyone is playing a word guessing game and somehow, Cheryl keeps getting the answers correct before hearing the clues. Then... Cheryl reveals -- she's a demon! ("Look Who's Evil Now"). Cheryl stabs Linda's ankle with a pencil, and Linda hobbles to her bedroom. Ash and Scott lock Cheryl in the cellar (where she remains for most of the show - even though she can still pop her head out to make bad puns).

And this song isn't over yet… because as soon as they get Cheryl contained, Shelly turns into a demon as well (also singing "Look Who's Evil Now"). As Shelly tries to attack Scott - he grabs a shotgun and shoots her dead.

Ash and Scott are in shock. In fact, they're in so much shock that there's only one phrase that can accurately express their feelings ("What The F*@k Was That?").

Scott decides to leave -- and once Ash is alone, all of the contents of the cabin (including a stuffed Moose Head on the wall) come to life to sing with Cheryl ("Join Us"). At the end of this song, Ash's hand turns evil and attacks him (yes… he actually wrestles his own hand). After an elaborate fight, Ash grabs a chainsaw and cuts his hand off.

Over in the woods, Annie and Ed are lost… so they ask a random stranger (Jake) for directions. Jake says they can follow him, but Annie wonders if they should trust this strange man they just met in the woods. Then, Jake sings a song about how reliable he is ("Good Old Reliable Jake" - which ironically, is filled with outlandish lies), and that's enough to convince the pair to follow him.

Back at the cabin, a bunch of chaotic stuff happens all at once: The hand that Ash cut off starts running around on its own. Scott returns, badly beaten by the trees -- and dies. Then… Linda turns into a demon. For a brief moment, it looks like Linda will return back to normal ("Housewares Employee (Reprise)"), but she was just playing a trick on Ash.

Demon Linda goes on the attack... so Ash chops off her head with an axe. Then, her severed head comes to life… and her headless body (a large guy who looks nothing like her) chases after Ash with a chainsaw. Ash shoots the headless body dead. Then, he takes a chainsaw to Linda's severed head -- with blood shooting into his face as he sings ("I'm Not a Killer").

It's at this exact moment that Annie, Ed, and Jake enter the cabin. They see Ash chainsawing a severed head, multiple dead bodies on the floor, and blood splattered everywhere. And on this cliffhanger… we end the act.

Act 2

Act Two begins exactly where we left off… literally. We replay the final few moments of Act One ("I'm Not a Killer (Reprise)") as Annie, Ed, and Jake enter the cabin.

Then… Ed turns into a demon. Annie and Jake are terrified, but Ash isn't scared because a "bit part demon" like Ed would never kill a hero of his caliber. Amazingly, Ed agrees with Ash -- and he breaks into a song wallowing in self-pity ("Bit Part Demon"). But as Ed sings, he realizes he's finally getting a chance to speak for himself. He's finally having his own moment. And just as Ed builds to a big musical climax… Ash shoots him dead.

The ghost of Professor Knowby appears, and tells Annie that the only way to dispel the evil is to read the passages from the pages she found. After seeing this ghost, it occurs to Annie that every man in her life has died in the exact same way ("All the Men in My Life Keep Getting Killed by Kandarian Demons").

As Annie is about to translate the passages, Jake has other ideas. He throws the pages in the cellar and knocks Ash unconscious, saying they should forget the pages and just leave. Then… Ash turns into a demon, dragging Jake outside (and out of view of the audience). When there's a banging on the door, Annie assumes it's demon Ash coming to get her - so she takes a dagger, opens the door, and stabs the intruder - only to learn that it was Jake on the other side ("Ode to An Accidental Stabbing"). Thankfully, this dagger didn't kill Jake, but when Annie brings him near the cellar to recover… Cheryl pops up, drags Jake into the cellar, and kills him once and for all.

Demon Ash then returns to the cabin. He stalks after Annie… until he sees the necklace that he gave to Linda earlier. Somehow, seeing this necklace turns Ash back to normal (and he never becomes a demon again).

Cheryl emerges from the cellar, holding the pages… so Ash kills her with his shotgun (a.k.a. - his "boomstick"). With the pages back in their possession, Annie explains that she has to read two separate passages: the first to make the dark spirit manifest in the flesh, and a second passage to open a rift in time and space to send the evil back. Knowing how dangerous this will be, Annie puts a chainsaw on Ash's stump. It's groovy.

Upon reading the first passage, all of the demons that we met earlier in the show come back to life, and break into an absurd dance number ("Do The Necronomicon").

At the end of this song, Annie tries to read the second passage, but before she can complete it, Ash's evil hand stabs her with a dagger… and kills her.

Now, Ash realizes it is time to fight these demons by himself ("It's Time). He gets in a huge, over-the-top fight with all of the deadites, killing each of them in a series of ridiculous and campy ways. Blood flies everywhere (and we mean everywhere… even onto the audience). And at the end… Ash stands victorious.

But this triumph doesn't last long -- because all of the demons immediately come back to life ("We Will Never Die"). Ash is doomed… until suddenly, Annie pops back to life, herself. With her dying words, Annie finishes reciting the passages -- and all of the demons get sucked away.

Days later, we find Ash working as a housewares employee in S-Mart. He's surrounded by random customers (all of our previous actors in bad wigs and mustaches) -- telling the story of how he saved the earth from demons. Of course, everyone thinks he's lying… until one of the customers reveals that she's a demon. Ash grabs a shotgun off the shelf… kills her… and the show ends with all of the customers singing about how Ash is their new hero ("Blew That ***** Away").