Audition Central: Disney's The Aristocats KIDS

Script: Thomas O'malley

SIDE 1

DUCHESS
It's just... well, I've never actually spoken to an Alley Cat before.

O'MALLEY
What's wrong with Alley Cats?

DUCHESS
Don't you steal your food from garbage cans?

O'MALLEY
So what? I never took nothing from someone who would miss it. You know, not all cats get their meals on a silver platter.

DUCHESS
Is it my fault that I have an owner who loves me and takes care of me?

O'MALLEY
If she takes such great care of you, why don't you ask her for help.

(O'MALLEY turns away.)

DUCHESS
Wait! I'm sorry. That was very rude of me. Can we start again? My name is Duchess.

O'MALLEY
Duchess... beautiful!

DUCHESS
And who are you?

O'MALLEY
Who am I? Who am I?

(calling offstage)
Boys

(The ALLEY CATS enter.)

SIDE 2

MARIE
Mama, mama! I sang with an Alley Cat! He was nice.

TOULOUSE
I'm as tough as any old Alley Cat. Meow-fft!

O'MALLEY
Woh, tiger!

BERLIOZ
Can I ride on your back, Mr. Abraham deLacy Giuseppe Casey Thomas O'Malley?

O'MALLEY
(to DUCHESS)
Wait a minute. Do all these belong to you?

DUCHESS
Yes, they are my Kittens: Marie, Toulouse and Berlioz. Can you help us get back to Paris?

O'MALLEY
Kittens! Heh heh, I would love to take you all to Paris but I... I...

DUCHESS
(sighs, disappointed)
We understand. Thank you for the song, Mr. O'Malley. Come on, Kittens.

(The ARISTOCATS turn away.)

MAD CAT
Good move, O'Malley. You don't need that kind of trouble.

WACKY CAT
Yeah, snooty Aristocats - who needs 'em?

SLICK CAT
Let's get outta here!

HEP CAT
Crazy, man - crazy!

(The ALLEY CATS exit.)

O'MALLEY
You know what, O'Malley? You're not a cat; you're a rat. So what if they're Aristocats. A cat in need is a cat in need and that's that!

(to the ARISTOCATS)
You know, you're walking in the wrong direction, Duchess.

DUCHESS
We are?

O'MALLEY
(pointing)
Paris is that-a-way. And you're never going to find it without a first-class tough Alley Cat leading the way.

TOULOUSE
I'm tough, too. Meow-fft! Meow-fft!

O'MALLEY
Hey, you're all right, tiger.

DUCHESS
Oh, thank you, Mr. O'Malley. Madame must be very worried.

O'MALLEY
Madame? You want to get back to Paris to be with a human? Humans would just as soon throw old shoes at you as pet you!

DUCHESS
Oh no, Madame is not like that at all.

O'MALLEY
Well, then she's not like any human I've ever met.

MARIE
I bet she's like you, Mr. O'Malley. You're a hero!

(MARIE bats her eyes.)

DUCHESS
Now, Marie...

O'MALLEY
Hey! If we're going to get ourselves to Paris, we better et moving. Line up!

(MARIE pushes to the front of the ARISTOCAT line.)

TOULOUSE
Hey!

MARIE
Ladies first.

(O'MALLEY move TOULOUSE to the back of the line.)