SIDE 1

BOSS ELF

Why weren't you at elf practice?!

HERMEY

Just fixin' these dolls' teeth.

BOSS ELF

Just fixin'... now listen - we have dolls that cry, talk, walk, blink, and run a temperature - we don't need any chewin' dolls!

HERMEY

I - I just thought I found a way to - to - fit in.

BOSS ELF

You'll never fit in. Now you come to elf practice and learn how to wiggle your ears and chuckle warmly and go "hee hee" and "ho ho" and important stuff like that! A dentist... good grief!

(BOSS ELF exits in a huff. HERMEY looks at the other ELVES who are practicing wiggling their ears and giggling.)

HERMEY

No - I just can't. It's like he said - I'll never fit in.

(heads to the door to leave)

I guess - I guess I'm on my own now.

END

SIDE 2

CHARLIE-IN-THE-BOX

And who, may I ask, are you?

RUDOLPH

We're Rudolph, and Hermey, and Yukon Cornelius. Who are you?

CHARLIE-IN-THE-BOX

I'm the official Sentry of the Island of the Misfit Toys!

HERMEY

A Jack-in-the-Box for a sentry?

CHARLIE-IN-THE-BOX

Yes, my name is...

RUDOLPH

Don't tell me - Jack?

CHARLIE-IN-THE-BOX

No. Charlie!

(starts to cry)

That's why I'm a misfit toy. My name is all wrong. No child wants to play with a Charlie-In-The-Box. So I had to come here…

END

SIDE 3

RUDOLPH

Uh - mister - where are we going?

YUKON

You're gonna stay with me. And we'll all be rich. With the biggest silver strike this side of Hudson Bay! Silver…

HERMEY

I thought you wanted gold!

YUKON

I changed my mind. But silver or gold, that's just the first step, my curly-toed compadre.

HERMEY

First step to what?

YUKON

Fame and fortune, as the old song goes.

RUDOLPH

Fame and fortune? What's that?

YUKON

Well, buckaroo, it's anything you want... whatever it is that's waiting for you out there in that great frozen beyond!

RUDOLPH

But I don't know what's waiting for me! Or what I want!

YUKON

You will soon enough... in the meantime, the old song could provide us all some inspire-a-shun… And it goes something like this...

END