Script

SIDE 1

Good morning, I'm Doctor Dan, she's Nurse Betty, now what seems to be the problem?

Good morning, Doctor Dan, Nurse Betty. I'm Mrs. Lambchop and this is my son Stanley.

Nice to meet you, Andy.

His name is Stanley.

Now Andy, what seems to be the problem?

Well, last night the bulletin board above Stanley's bed fell on him.

Who's Stanley?

I am.

Then who's Andy?

There is no Andy.

And that's the problem?

The problem is the bulletin board fell on Stanley, and now he's flat.

Fat?

No, flat.

Fat?

(speaking very loudly)
No, flat!

Jump up here Andy, and let's check this out.

Ah-ha! I've got it! This boy has been horribly misdiagnosed. He's not fat at all!

She didn't say he was fat...

I'm telling you, the kid is not fat at all, Mrs. Porkchop

It's Lambchop.

Then who's Mrs. Porkchop? Never mind. Andy suffers from papyrus-magna-minimus.

That sounds terrible. What does it mean?

It means... uh... well...

It means Stanley's flat.

Of course he's flat  that's why we're here!

Stanley, how do you feel?

I feel fine.

You heard him, he feels fine. Call me if gets the sniffles or the flu! We got her insurance information? Don't forget your co-pay. Good day and good luck, Mrs. Porkchop.

It's Lambchop!

Come on Stanley! Let's get out of here!

SIDE 2

(placing mail in the mailbox)
Good morning, family Lambchop! Beautiful day today!

Sure is, Mrs. Cartero. Sure is. Is that our mail?

Yep! United States Postal Service, at your service. Oh, and Stanley, there's a postcard for you.

Thanks, Mrs. Cartero.

You feelin' OK, Stanley? Something seems a little different about you...

I feel OK, Mrs. Cartero.

You sure seem different... I can't quite put my finger on it... You gotta haircut! Right? That's it. Lookin' sharp, Stanley. Sharp. See ya' around!

See ya!

SIDE 3

Well, what did Doctor Dan say?

He said Stanley's... "Flat."

We knew that already.

Apparently there's nothing to be done.

Stanley, do you feel OK?

I feel fine, Dad.

You hear that? The boy is fine. Oh, and by the way Stanley, you got a postcard.

(MR. LAMBCHOP hands STANLEY the postcard.)

It's from my best friend, Samantha, in California!

How is she adjusting to the move?

She says, "California is fine, but she misses the snow and wearing funky galoshes." And she says we should visit soon. Do you think we could?

Oh, plane tickets to Los Angeles are very expensive...

It's not like we could just jump in the mail, son.

That's a funny thought, dear.

Stanley needs to get back to the ol' routine. Back to school, his friends. Do you feel ready to go back to school, Stanley?

Do you think they'll laugh at me?

Who'd laugh at the coolest kid in school? Stanley, you've been given a gift.

I have?

Sure! Why look on the downside of being flat, when there's so much on the positive side?

I don't think I follow.

Listen up...