Audition Central: Xanadu JR.

Script: Sonny Malone

SIDE 1

SONNY
(noticing the audience)

Oh hey. I didn't know you guys were here. A whole bunch of you, even like a crowd
(SONNY stands up and walks to the audience.)

But how much do I love when that happens, right? Like when people, regular people, walking along the nice California beach in Venice here, just stop and look at a chalk mural on the wall. For me, like, that's when art is. Just proves that art isn't for the well educated, or the intelligent, but people like you.
(He Looks back at the mural)

I call this piece, "The Ancient Greek Arty Chicks." I did a ton of research. I took a book out of the library and everything.
(He looks back at the painting)

The blonde in the middle isn't quite right
(back to the audience)

Never mind. The important thing is that we have all gathered together to take part in an artistic experience and - the girl up front and center is all wrong. Ugh. It destroys the whole composition - I ruin everything I do!! I'll never get it right never, never, never - UGH, MEGA-BUMMER-

SIDE 2

KIRA
Zeus, I hear your warnings, and so run I must away from this Sonny Malone, who has stolen my heart.

(SONNY enters)

SONNY
You would have to be blind not to see that sign just staring you in the face!

KIRA
Sonny, please stop talking, it hurts.

SONNY
Hey, Kira, now don t be a bummer.

KIRA
Sadly, bummer I am, and bummer I shall be. Sonny, it is here I must take my leave of you.

SONNY
Leave of me? Like leave me?

KIRA
I must go.

SONNY
But, you can t leave, the whole Xanadu thing. I need you here.

KIRA
You can do this without me, surely. And when the Xanadu club is open and thriving  you shall pause a moment and reflect on us. And wherever I might be, I will know we ll always have this roller disco.

SONNY
Yeah. But I need you just to be around.

KIRA
Stuff and nonsense. I have met you only a moment earlier. We do not know one another well enough to have any significant ties. Do we?

SONNY
Well, yes, I guess you re right and all but  ahh  don t walk away!!

SIDE 3

DANNY
Hurry up, the sign is so clear anybody can see it.
SONNY
All right, see you later.
KIRA
G'day, mate!

(#22  HERMES begins. HERMES enters.)

HERMES
Clio!

KIRA
Uh! Oh it is you! Hermes, the fleet-footed messenger of the gods. What brings you to me, Hermes?

HERMES
Clio, I bring you a message from Zeus.

KIRA
Yes, Hermes.

HERMES
He wishes to know if you have seen his sign?

KIRA
Yes, yes. I have seen the sign, Hermes.

HERMES
He also wishes to remind you that the penalty for creating art on one s own is eternal damnation in the netherworld.

KIRA
I am aware of that; you may tell Zeus.

HERMES
And thirdly, he wishes you to know that the penalty for loving a mortal is eternal damnation in the netherworld.

KIRA
Hermes, why does Zeus tell me these things? I love no one; I have created nothing! I am an ageless and loveless, uncreative being. Why does Zeus accuse me so? Why Hermes, why?

HERMES
Girlfriend, I don t know your life.

(HERMES exits with attitude)

SIDE 4

DANNY
Maguire here. I WILL DESTROY YOU! Have a nice day.
(DANNY turns around and sees SONNY.)
You must be Sonny Malone  where s the associate?

SONNY
She ll be here in a little bit.

DANNY
Why are you here?

SONNY
I d like to talk to you about renting one of your spaces.

DANNY
You ll have to be a little more specific. I own many, many buildings here in the Los Angeles area.

SONNY
I m here to talk to you about a space you own down on Fairfax.

DANNY
Oh yes, I m taking that whole block down; turning it into condos.

SONNY
There s a theater there. It s called the Xanadu and

DANNY
The Xanadu. I haven t thought about that firetrap in years. But what for? You gonna run movies there?

SONNY
Well, yeah. Movies and live theater performances. And there will also be an art gallery.

DANNY
Visionary. But I mean in a good way. We developers love the arts.

SONNY
Really?

DANNY
Sure, nothing turns a neighborhood around like the arts  then you can kick out the artists and sell it for more to the urban professionals.